Something obvious but profound occurred to me. I've always taken what love I could get. If I sparked with someone, then I liked them, they liked me, and off we go. It's been like a line of suiters at my front desk. At the end of each relationship a receptionist yells, "Next!" Over the last year I've had some pretty interesting developments in my life and they have lead to some changes in the way I think. For the first time in my life I'm asking myself, "What do you want?" Not just in men, but in regards to all things (career, job, type of home, family structures, location, travel, hobbies, etc.). It's like for once, I'm looking into the waiting room and considering that there might be something I'm looking for in particular.
Of course, my mental ramblings have to ramble into the meaning of life type questions. What kind of analytical fanatic would I be if they didn't? So here's my question. I guess it's not the same for everyone, but for me, there's always a next. If there's always a next, then is, "He loves me.", really a good reason to do anything? I mean, look at your past major relationships. Odds are all of them loved you and the two of you didn't split because there wasn't love. You split because something between you didn't mesh. Maybe he was too needy, maybe she drank out of the milk carton, whatever, but you did love each other. So maybe love and relationships aren't really all about love. Maybe love is just a side note, a starting point. Maybe instead of looking for love I should be looking for...what? What do I want?
Which kinda segways into: what do I want for my life? In case that is too much of a jump, let me clarify. I want a relationship that lasts a life time and I want a certain type of life. It would make sense to find someone that wants a life similar to mine so then we can live this life we want together. It's not any one person giving up a dream to follow another person, but rather two people pursuing the same dream/desire together.
Okay, so easy, right? What do I want for my life? Well, I want adventure. I love the outdoors (hiking, biking, canoeing, swimming, climbing, camping, snowboarding, zip lines, CamelBak, paracord, bring it on, I love it all). I also love helping people. I love to volunteer and save the day. I'm a whore for what I call "pats" (like pat on the head for a good job). I love to be appreciated and to see that I made a difference for someone. I want a child. I haven't always wanted a child. In fact, this is a rather new development. It's a rather strong desire and could end up being a whole other ramble. I think it comes from being dangerously in love with a man, and my strong natural need to mother. I imagine someday strapping my baby to my chest or back and hiking mountains. People do it. It's not as crazy as it may sound to you. (Also another possible ramble.) Anyway, I like to tinker with cars, electronics, computers, and do general fix-it things. I find it both fun and sexy for a guy to do these things with me. I think it's good to share hobbies. I want higher highs and lower lows (not fully committed to the last part yet - will be another ramble). What I mean is, I don't want a standard boring life. I want to arrive at eighty sweaty, dirty, and laughing, screaming "Damn what a ride! Did you see that last part?! I didn't think we'd make it!" with my partner by my side with survive packs in the back and the rubber melting off our Jeep Wrangler Rubicon or Lotus Elise (which ever we're driving that day ^.^).
Okay, so what does all this say about what I should be looking for in a partner? Looks like he needs to be a fan of the outdoors for sure. I live to be in the sun. He's going to miss me an awful lot if he doesn't love the sun and being active. It would be nice if he loved cars the way I do. It would be great to work on one with him and to share the OMG moments in parking lots. He has to want to have a kid. Just one is fine, but he's got to want it too, not just tolerate it. He can't be someone who plays it too safe or we'll always fight over rather or not I/we should do things.
On the note of character, I tend to get over whelmed by my way of life sometimes. Generally this leads to me being grumpy, but I find that reassuring words and a smile is all that is needed to avoid Armageddon. I need this from my partner.
So what is the point? I guess that as Americans we are in love with the idea of love and happily ever after. But look at our devoice rate. Clearly, more then love is needed to make a relationship work. Maybe we should stop looking for love and start looking for a person. Because it's easy to love, but it's not easy to live a life together. If you can afford to be more choosy, do so. We need to stop settling for whoever gets in line next. Maybe if we're more proactive and less reactive we won't fail so hard. I guess it's like walking into a car dealership. If you don't walk in there with some idea of what you want, there is no telling what the sales people will have you walking out with.
No comments:
Post a Comment