Bucket List

There are some things in life I thought would never change. Like, I've always said the phrase they'd put on my gravestone would be, "She worked." Then people happened, events, decisions - and I was changed. Now I hope they will write, "She lived." There have been times when I worked hard and achieved a goal and then the moment I stand before it, I pause and look back, and I find I don't want it anymore even through a moment before I wanted it more then anything. Like getting my degree. I gave everything to graduate with a B.S., on time, with a 3.95GPA. I thought as I walked forward to shake hands and take my diploma that I would be happy and proud - but I wasn't. I didn't care. So much time, work, and sacrifice and I didn't care. I just felt restless as I always do. Was it - is it - a challenge I crave? No, I have challenged myself and still I am restless. Success? No, it did not satisfy me. People? Growth? Danger? Next...it's like a puzzle I keep trying the different pieces, but nothing fits. I am forever restless, itching for change, reaching for the next big thing. I wonder sometimes what's wrong with me? Why can't I settle like everyone else? Do others feel this way? Is it normal to feel this way? Maybe I over think it. Maybe I'm just bored, but I never use to feel this way. How do I get back to those days? The days when I did what I did because I wanted to, and not just to prove I could.

I think I'll make a bucket list. A truly honest bucket list, as honest as I can make it. It will list the things I truly want to do and the other things I will try to see through and let them fall to the way-side.

Bucket List:

*Slide on playground (special meaning just for me :) )
Pilots licence (truth: I don't really want it. I just want to prove I can get it.)
Be a bad ass on my Ninja
Go to New Zealand
Live in another country
Go paragliding
Go zip lining
Go bungee jumping (truth: might be too scared to do it or enjoy it.)
Go sky diving
Go snorkeling
Go to a bookstore and put all the bibles in the fiction section (scandalous! lol!)
Have a child and teach it / show it everything
Be an outstanding mother
Touch Grave Digger and see the show
Return to Alaska and Sierra Vista for closure
Become a surfer
Become a climber
Become an extreme cave diver
Go to Rapa Nui/Easter Island

This list/entry will remain a work in progress.